Monday, October 15, 2007

I wish to be good but Im bad at it

It is a debate for another day - my thoughts upon the nature of miracles, intrinsic as I think them to the nature of nature itself. Be a mystic with me for a moment, see mere chaos creating life and mercy growing upon it like blossoms and accept that in the small actions of the universe there is a voice. Hard to hear and humble it speaks only when you wish to listen, to watch what is before you and see; but speak even just a whisper in your mind and it will yield to you. Omnipotent little you. We see too much an image of some distant God, incarnate upon the mountain or the cross, when Krsna and Christ spoke of no such thing. They spoke of God within you, the mercy that is the truth which knows your heart itself. Life has come to something for me, as it must come to something for each of us. But what is around us is what is what is around us and we do not suppose that nature would speak lies; the truth being defined as what nature prefers. Nature acts by elegance, burning itself away to produce creatures such as us, after all we are here. I was struck yesterday with a thought. I had just come from Half Price Books and I bought a book compiled to celebrate Stephen Hawkings 60th birthday. One of the first papers in it had an image of the sun in a dark sky showing the plants and animals on a warming and cooling Earth. The caption said, "Life on Earth is possible because the sun is a bright spot in a dark sky." That is to say, life is possible because there is a single light in a great darkness. If this does not speak numinously then what could? But as the Grand Inquisitor asks us, mocking but himself more than any, "What is the value of this freedom if obedience can be bought with bread?" Most of the time I walk around wishing to be good without actually doing much to participate. The world acts all around me and I observe it to comment, making of myself the grandest sort of hypocrite (but of all of them hypocrisy if my favourite sin). Still, I will embark this week to amend this as best I may. I'll put my foot upon the right stones to walk forward and I will pause until I know which one next will also support me.


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