Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Hope is a thing with feathers

When I left Austin I was not in the best shape ever. I had been sexually assaulted and had gone through some major emotional upheavals. But it has left scars on me that I have been unable to shake. The primary part of which is that I seem to be plagued with some outside forces that just won't leave me alone.
See, while I was living there at a place we all referred to as The River I overheard my dear friends Marc and Wendy talking about the mafia and that someone was going to die. It freaked me out and I went on a mission to try to save my friends. Admitted, I was not in my best mindset at the time and I probably misunderstood what was going on but nonetheless I was freaked out and I went on a mission to try to save my friends. I took all the money that I had and went on a quest to track down the mob and give all my money to them in the hopes that I could save whoever it was that was going to die. Ridiculous, I know, but it made perfect sense to me at the time.
After a long day wandering around the city, even jumping off the 1st St bridge into the lake I had an encounter with the police. They asked me why I was so upset and I told them about my friends and the mob. I don't think they believed me. I was taken in due to an arrest warrant from some parking ticket or something other that I didn't remember and several hours later I was released.
Time went on and I began to decay even further. It seemed that everything was falling apart and that there was nothing I could do about it. Later a homeless man showed up at my house, about my age and I let him stay with me. That night I was sexually assaulted and that was the last straw. Even though my friends begged me not to leave I couldn't take it anymore and I moved back in with my parents. I was clean for the whole year while I lived there and at the end of the year with my parents I found a job in Baltimore.
Time went on and everything seemed fine. Baltimore isn't the best choice of a city for someone who was recovering from a drug problem but at first I liked it here. My new job was a huge step up from what I had had before and even though I didn't have any friends here I liked the city.
Years passed and finally, on about the 5th anniversary of my arrival in Baltimore I started to notice strange happenings. My phone started sending me strange messages, my computer also acted strange and seemed as if it had been hacked. Not only that but a few people on the street approached me with what seemed like threatening messages.
I tried to call the police, I tried to call the FBI about my computer being hacked. I even tried to call the DEA in case it was somehow involved with what was happening back in Austin (I knew a lot of people who were actively in the drug community). Nobody would help me. Then a friend of mine, or at least I thought it was a friend, seemed to know things about my time back in Austin and used that information to threaten me. I didn't know what to do so I tried to call the police again, but they wouldn't take my name. I also sent a message to the DEA about what my friend had said. (I suspected that he was probably an informant for them since he had been arrested not long before for some pretty strange behavior and had admitted to me that he had been on probation for a drug charge that he had continually failed).
Then, on another day, I encountered a man from "The Fort" who said about me that "that money has been spent". So I tried to contact the local fort, hoping that maybe they could help me but they simply told me that my story was insane and that I should seek help. I gladly would, and since have attempted (I'm on a waiting list to see a therapist for my depression). But threats had been made to me and nobody would help, it seemed. No matter who I contacted nobody would help me.
I've sent FOIA requests but I haven't heard back from anyone. I found a chromatograph attached to the water heater in my basement but nobody would believe me about that either, even though I am a scientist and know what a chromatograph is and looks like.
Last year I tried to kill myself twice because I didn't feel like I had any other way. I've felt like I or my friends were in danger every moment of almost every day for the past two years. I even tried to contact my senators, both in Maryland and in Texas, but the day that I went to try to talk to them the one office that I had hoped to visit was blocked by the police until closing time.
I even tried to contact the ACLU to see if they could help me but they refused to take the case.
Really, I don't know what to do but I've reached out to everyone that I can think of and I don't know what to do. I feel isolated from everyone that I know and love and it seems like everyone that I trust knows whats going on and none of them can, or will, tell me what I need to do.
I'm tired and I just want my life back, but someone close to me (who I more or less trust) once said to me, "They won't ever leave you alone. Well, I guess there is one way...." but he wouldn't tell me what that way was.